Friends
I can never get out of here
I don't want to just float in fear
A dead astronaut in space
-Marilyn Manson, "Disassociative", Mechanical Animals
Angel
Hi, sweetie! Thank you SO much for this site! Your beauty, compassion, and outright goodness know no bounds. Thank you! I realize that because of me you've had a rough four years in some respects, but know I'm thankful every day for our time together. I owe you much more that a massage. I'm still with the sexiest woman at the dance. Sometimes, all I have left in this world is your smile, or your voice, or your touch. I will cherish you always, even if I'm not always as romantic as you'd like. (I'll never be Orlando, but Denzel's got nothing on me!) Love you.
Kal-El
It's a bird! It's a plane! It's an intellectual, racially conscious black man on a US Airways red-eye to LaGuardia flipping the bird to some overzealous, minimum-wage Transportation Security Administration officer during a random unannounced inspection by Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge! Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em! I won't hold you; like Snoop, I know you "bout to show how your pimp hand is way strong'. Play on, playa. I just pray the trick has teeth.
Mugsy
My man. When no one in the world can be real with me, you will. You always have; no hesitations, no inhibitions, no second thoughts. Without remorse, pity, or sorrow you've been up-front with me since the afterschool bus at Waters. Thanks to you, I know I'm not worth a God Damn. Thanks, man! At any rate, pursue your interests to the fullest; when the highly anticipated Morning is Here 2: Baptized in Medicated Vaseline goes double platinum, I'll be right there to borrow money. In the meantime, as Missy implores, 'Get Ur Freak On'; I live vicariously through you. And your greased balls.
Mary J
All hail the Queen! Regal, sultry, outspoken, and open, your consistency and directness has always impressed me. Follow your heart wherever it may lead you; pay attention to the woman in the mirror. Your dictates are what's important. So, have a great time, Dirty Diana! Ignore the phantom evil eyes, and if you like 'booty popping on a handstand', who are we to judge?
Mr. Whitefolks
Mr. Whitefolks. We've had a hell of a run, huh? Whether saving the world from disgruntled Bostonian Extra-Terrestials of the Left Dimension or protecting the future from the economic designs of a low-level Eros demoness, we stuck together. Against hairy masturbators, chain-smoking counterculturists, Nabisco rejects, and one middle-aged Napoleon in brown Hush Puppies, we stuck together. Pals.
The Spectre
Duo, Duo, wherefore art thou, Duo? The candor, the wisdom, the quiet grace, the uncanny ability to throw me into Ithacan snowbanks and live to tell the tale! I could talk to you; I'll always appreciate that. By the way, Mitsurugi wants a rematch! And the next time I see Susan Ivanova, I hope she's with you.
Mike Lowry
Bad Boys, Bad Boys, what'cha gonna do?... Don't you sometimes wish life was like a movie? You could be the action star, have all the pretty, double-D FHM women swoon over you, little white girls in nonexistent Abercrombie screaming to have your biracial love child ... oh, wait! ... I've been there. It's just Mike Lowry on stage! The greatest R&B crooner this side of R. Kelly (and sexier too! just look down and ask.) I really miss slashing through the midnight jungles of Triphammer Rd. gospel with you; it helped me figure out much back then. Don't forget, man; you're still the cool guy with the sex appeal and the witty banter. I'm the escaped psycho convict with the double Desert Eagles. The Civil Rights 2: The Execution Will Not Be Televised in theaters Summer 2004.
Wonder Woman
Everyone's favorite Amazon. Flying around the globe to combat the systemic evils of class inequity, racial profiling and hate crimes in the Invisible Jet of Righteous Revolution, this Patron Saint of Social Justice, armed with her Twin Bracelets of Civil Disobedience and Litigation, battles the oppressive minions of the Justice Department, the Department of Homeland Security, and the megalomaniacal, hyper-reverent, later-day Big Brother, ASHCROFT. Whether in the courtroom or the protest march, Wonder Woman fights for respect of the people, clad only in her Victoria's Secret diamond-laced platinum brassiere and matching platinum-rope g-string. SuperSensual. SuperStrong. SuperHeroine.
Milkshake
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard... You know that's right! How ya doin', girl? Med school's around the corner, but don't forget to hit the club once in a while and share your ample assets with those less fortunate. In short, enjoy yourself! Oppression isn't going anywhere, but that doesn't mean you can't make use of our special gift. BUZZZZ!!!!
Sue Richards
Where are you? Still invisible. *sigh* Well, I hope you find what you were looking for. When you are done with soul-searching and self-reflection remember, your friends care about you and miss you. Much love. Give us a call, 'k?
Trump
Executive of the Year! I truly believe you will fulfill your million dollar dream, just remember the psychotic politicians when you do, ok? I can't wait though: two thousand dollar suit, diamond cufflinks, bottles of Dom P at the reserved table, couple of big-titted white supermodels on your arms, Big Pimping! The Donald has nothing on you, player.
Seymore Butts
Life's dealt you more curves than Cash Money Millionaires concert, but you're staying strong. Look past the illness and move towards the positive. And while you're at it, leave Hillary Duff's funky, skinny, dirty, one paycheck away from eviction, six-months removed from the double wide, no-booty having tail alone. Please. Thank you for your support.
Anna Nicole
Your decisions are your own. You chose Door #3, Bob Saget. Just remember, in between the soiled Pampers, sore nipples, wailing infants, weight gain, stretch marks, formula preparation, nightly reading, daily playing, and overall work, after the solemn 'moral music' but before the credits roll, I hope you find a half-second or so a week for your own thoughts. After you burp Mary Kate & Ashley, of course.
Rei Anayami
You are beauuuuuuuuitful, no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down...
You know any decent man would be doubly blessed to have you, so release. See The Producers, eat some Ben & Jerry's, hit up a real club, have some fun! We only live once. And tell those Johnny Blanco's they know not what they're missing! Sodium-free my ass! I know a Triscuit when I see one!
Nick and Jessica
Always fulfill your potential, guys. The best of the best can't settle for less. Angel and I will always be here for you if you need a little push. Be good to each other. And to your board games.
Zhang Zi Yi
College isn't that difficult! Worry not, you have your whole life in front of you! Now enough of my post-grad advice. What up! Outkast is cool; leave Wyclef alone (the rest of hip hop is.) and feel free to call Tech Support when you need an editor. I'm here to help.